Afraid
by ShineTheTribute
Summary: Fulvia Cardew is Afraid. Problem is, she isn't Fulvia Cardew, at least not anymore. For Starvation All Hallow's Eve challenge. M for gore, torture, death, general horror. Happy Halloween :)


**So, as some of you know, I am a member of Starvation. This month, for Halloween, the started a contest. You get a pairing\character and have to write something for it, with horror as one of the genres. I got Fulvia Cardew, google her if you don't know who she is. I'm reading some rather creepy short stories in English( The Lake, The Man Upstairs, Masque of the Red Death) and I have decided my teacher is obsessed with death. Anyways, enjoy. I like it, anyways :)**

**This came from the idea that the Rebellion failed, and the rebels were thrown in prison for treason.  
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* * *

It's hard to remember, so hard to remember now. She can't remember very much of the before, only the now. There are some things she knows, like there's a silver flower in her cheek and she writes with her left hand. She can almost remember her name, too. It starts with an F, Fauna, no, Flora? No, it's Fulvia. Yes, Fulvia Cardew.

She tries to remember more, thrilled with her success. She remembered one thing, now she should try for two. She can remember bright, candy buildings if she closes her eyes tight enough. The buildings are in a city, called the...she can't remember that. But she knows it starts with a C.

The cell door swings open with a bang. She, no, _Fulvia _looks up. It's one of the Peacekeepers. She can remember something, like a summer breeze, something about freedom. No more games and candy colored streets. Maybe it was just a dream, something she cooked up in her fragmented mind. It doesn't matter, they're all locked up now.

She doesn't scream when the pain hits her, she's used to the fire, the pain. She can bear the cuts that cover her body- _A silver flower on her left cheek_- but only for so long. The Peacekeeper(she isn't sure if it's a man or a woman, and it doesn't really matter) doesn't pause in the torture when Fulvia cries out.

After what seems like hours of white hot pain, the Peacekeeper leaves and Fulvia tries to remember again. The pain and blood sparks something, a memory or a hallucination she doesn't know, and she remembers a phrase. Panem Et Circenses.

Bread and Circuses, that's what it means. Fulvia likes bread, or she thinks she does. They serve her one meal away and it's always a slice of something that might be this bread. And a circus, she can't remember that. She knows there's colors, bright colors, but nothing else.

When she remembers this, she forgets something else. What was it...oh yes, a color. It was like the sky, but what was it called. It seems like the can't remember anything that she should know. She had a friend, oh god what was it called?

It started with a B, a BL. It rhymed with things like too, you, flew, _blue_. Yes, it was blue. That was the color, like the sky or the sea. She liked blue, she owned a dress like it before. There were other colors too, _red, yellow, pink, purple, orange, green, _and blue.

She can feel the memories coming back now. There's faces and named, titles and nicknames. A gray-eyed girl named Katniss who was a Mockingjay, no the Mockingjay. And Peeta. They played a game with Peeta, the Mockingjay and the others. It hurts to remember they're dead now, dead or locked up. How did they lose, after everything.

There's a girl with bright blue hair and neon pink skin that features in more than one of Fulvia's memories. One day, Fulvia tries to put a name to the face. It starts with a G, gemstone? No, Gemma. Yes, Gemma is the girl's name. Gemma and Fulvia were best friends.

With that name comes a story and more memories. Fulvia can remember a holiday, at the end of October. They'd all dress up and go around collecting candy and it was called...Halloween. Yes, it was Halloween and it was Fulvia's birthday. Gemma, and Moonshine and Sunflower. Those were her friends names.

She can still remember one of the scary stories . Gemma's grandfather had fought for the Capitol-that was the name of her old home, Fulvia remembered- and he had told gemma stories. In turn, Gemma had told her friends.

"My grandpa was in the war and he told me all about it. He said that you'd have friends dropping dead by your feet and you couldn't do anything about it. It was kill or be killed, because the rebels were ruthless. And when the Capitol finally won, he would still see the mutilated corpses of his comrades in his sleep.

In the third Hunger Games, there was a boy who my grandpa swore looked just like his best friend, who had died in the war. He fought hard in the games, but eventually some Careers surrounded him. And here's the scary part- the corpse looked exactly like the corpse of my grandpa's friend."

The next days, weeks months, are strange. Fulvia is tortured, but for less and less time. Eventually, the torture stops altogether and Fulvia lives in constant fear they'll start up again. But, now, when she's safe, she will tell her story. She isn't surprised when she finds herself telling scary stories again. After all, they make the monsters in her head go away.

Over time her fellow prisoners of war join in on the stories. She finds out they're all Capitol, like her, and the Mockingjay is dead now. She also finds out it's almost Halloween. One of the women has only three toes left. All her other limbs have been chopped off, the bleeding stumps sewed up tight. Her name is Venia, and she was on a prep team, once upon a time.

Venia tells stories with Fulvia, and together they get the entire prison to join in. No longer will they scream by themselves. The shivers and tears are shared, now, and Fulvia feels almost...Happy. No, not happy, but hopeful. It's been so long since she felt like this way, and the happiness almost bubbles over, bringing memories with it.

Fulvia remembers more of the war. Before, it war just a bunchof gray. Now, there's splotches of color. Bright, bright red, like blood. Black, black for death. And white, a white wedding. And then green, rebirth. And yellow, sickness. And more red. Always red.

Fulvia tries to remember every little detail, but she's not perfect. No one is, really. She can remember writing a few words on a piece of paper and tossing it aside, but not what the words were. And there's a lingering feeling, like she should remember.

And then, just when she thought it was all over, the torture begins again. They pull her hair, making her scream. They pull each little nail out of her bloody hands. Her mouth is sewed up, so she stops screaming. Her tongue is cut out too making her an Avox. They seem to like the awful sounds she makes, because they laugh.

The electroshock is awful too. The bright red wires deliver little shocks across her skin. Her screams never leave her silenced mouth. Once again, the cells are silent with fear. No long do stories and laughter echo. Their songbird can't sing anymore.

As the shocks get worse and worse, Fulvia starts to forget again. Those precious stories start to disappear again. Every memory is made of gold to Fulvia, and she's losing them. The colors, rich and filling, are replaced by empty pain. She doesn't like the pain, the pain makes her stories go away.

Every day is a fight, but she won't give up. She's an Avox, she's been silenced. But the blood on her hands is worth something. Her cell walls are filled with all the words she can't say anymore. No one sees them, but they're there. And that's what really matters. The bright scarlet letters give her power. The power that she lost with her voice, that is.

One day, the shocks are worse. Fulvia can feel them turning the pain up, up. Each burst of pain is worse than the last. She screams, guttural moans that echo within her skull. The laughter brings back so many awful memories.

She doesn't want these ones, they're red, red, blood red, and black,black, evil, evil. No more white, white, purity, freedom. No more green, green, rebirth. Just that awful, awful red, red like her dripping blood. And the black, black, black like death. And then, the white, it isn't pure. It's snow.

Snow, snow, so cold and white. White isn't pure, it's as evil as the black, black. Blood and roses on his breath, the Mockingjay said. She believes that, white is bad. Bad, bad, bad. She just wants to scream, scream, but no, no, no. no more screaming for her.

With one more shock, she remembers those fragile words. Fulvia is afraid, she wrote, Fulvia is afraid. Fulvia, Fulvia, Fulvia. Yes, Fulvia is scared. But, the there's a problem. Who is Fulvia? She isn't, she can't be Fulvia. No, not Fulvia.

She can feel herself drifting, drifting. So, so peaceful. Yes, the memories are back now. Fulvia is afraid. Fulvia is, Fulvia is. But, she thinks in her broken, broken mind, she isn't Fulvia.

No, Fulvia is afraid. Fulvia was in a war, Fulvia liked Halloween. Fulvia had friends, Gemma, Moonshine, Sunflower. Fulvia told prisoners scary stories, Fulvia, well, Fulvia was afraid.

But she isn't afraid, not anymore. She can feel herself leaving, dying. And it's so right. So, perfect. So, no, she isn't Fulvia. Fulvia is afraid. But she isn't. She isn't afraid, not anymore.

She doesn't know who she is now, but she's ready to find out, as the last breath leaves her body.

**FIN**


End file.
